10 Unpopular Rules That Help Make Our Marriage Happy

They say marriage is about love, communication, and compromise, and it is. But for us, it’s also about unpopular rules. The kind of boundaries that might seem “too much” or “old-fashioned” to others, but they’ve protected, preserved, and even revived our love through every season.

We've been married and divorced enough to know what doesn't work. We entered our marriage with clear boundaries and even clearer expectations. We’ve walked through hard times. We’ve raised kids, lived on prayers, learned each other’s quirks, and said “I’m sorry” more than once. We’ve had to be intentional about keeping our marriage sacred in a world that doesn’t always value commitment.

And, while our marriage isn’t perfect, it is deeply joyful. It’s rooted in God, grounded in grace, and full of laughter. So much laughter. So today, I want to share the 10 “unpopular” rules that help make our marriage strong and happy.

1.

We Don’t Always Go to Bed Mad—But Sometimes We Go to Sleep Tired

Yes, we’ve heard the golden rule: “Never go to bed angry.” And while it’s great advice in theory, we’ve learned that exhaustion can cloud judgment. Sometimes the best thing we can do is sleep it off, pray about it, and revisit the conversation with clearer minds and calmer hearts.

God’s mercies are new every morning for a reason. Rest sometimes brings resolution.

“Be angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” —Ephesians 4:26

(But also… get some sleep. Just don’t let it become bitterness.)

2.

We Don’t Share Everything with Everyone

Not every frustration, argument, or private moment is meant for public consumption or even for friends.

We don’t air our dirty laundry, and we don’t throw each other under the bus for the sake of a laugh at brunch. Our marriage is not a reality show; it’s a sacred partnership. And protecting that privacy protects our unity.

We’ve learned that advice is only as good as the context, and people can’t see our hearts the way God can. So, we keep most things between us and take the big things to Him.

3.

We Ask Before Venting

One of the best habits we’ve built is checking in before unloading.

“Do you want support or solutions?”

“Are you in the headspace to talk about something heavy?”

That little pause has saved us from miscommunication, unnecessary fights, and hurt feelings. It shows respect, intention, and maturity. It turns “dumping” into dialogue, and it reminds each other that we’re not emotional punching bags, but partners.

4.

We Respect Each Other’s “Me Time” Even Though We Do 98% of Life Together

We genuinely enjoy each other’s company. We’re best friends. We do almost everything together, and we like it that way. He's my best friend. I would rather hang out with him than anyone else.

I’m learning poker and golf because he loves them. He’s learning to cook, explore holistic wellness, and go thrifting because those things bring me joy.

We invest in each other’s interests not because we have to, but because we want to.

That said, we also value space. A reset moment. A hot bath. A solo grocery trip with a podcast. This is more me than him. I tend to get overstimulated way more than he does. Time apart helps us show up better together. Independence doesn’t weaken intimacy; it strengthens it.

5.

We Apologize Even When We’re Only 5% Wrong

Humility isn’t about being the bigger person. It’s about being the healthier one.

We’ve learned to say “I’m sorry” even when we’re only a little bit at fault because relationships don’t run on pride, they run on grace. He is better at this than I am. I am bold enough to admit it. It's a work in progress.

If I was short, if I misunderstood, if I let stress make me snappy, it matters.

Owning my part invites him to own his. It breaks the tension. It rebuilds trust. And it reminds us both that we’re not here to win, we’re here to love.

6.

We Don’t Weaponize Divorce

We are committed. Not a contract. Not a convenience.

The word “divorce” doesn’t get thrown around in our home. It’s not a threat, a joke, or an emotional grenade. Even though I jokingly say, "Maybe your next wife will get it right," all being told in fun in games. He knows this. If he ever expressed that this wasn't a joke to him, I wouldn't do it.

We’ve walked through hard seasons. The kind where “quitting” might’ve looked easier. But easier doesn’t mean better. We solve problems like we plan to stay married because we do. This isn’t about control. It’s about covenant.

“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” —Mark 10:9

7.

We Laugh at the Weird Stuff

Laughter is our secret weapon.

Sometimes marriage is tense, stressful, boring, even messy. But if you can’t laugh at the grocery store mishaps, weird sleep habits, or inside jokes from 2017, you’re missing the glue.

We’ve learned that humor helps heal. It breaks the silence after a fight. It bridges the gap when we feel off. We’re not afraid to be weird, silly, or uncool. We’re not trying to “look like love.” We’re living it.

8.

We Don’t Compete Over Who’s More Tired or Overwhelmed

Marriage isn’t a pain contest. It’s not a “who-had-the-worst-day” championship.

There are days I carry more. Days he carries more. Days we both want to wave the white flag. But instead of fighting to be seen, we choose to see each other and that changes everything. We tag in. We give grace. We listen instead of dismissing. And we remember: we’re on the same team.

9.

We Don’t Have Opposite-Sex Friendships or Private Conversations with Friends’ Spouses

This one raises eyebrows. But we stand by it unapologetically.

We don’t have personal, one-on-one friendships with the opposite sex. We don’t text, call, or engage in conversations with friends’ spouses unless our spouse is present or involved.

It’s not about jealousy. It’s about honor.

We believe boundaries protect blessings.

It’s easy to justify “harmless” messages, catch-up calls, or private convos with someone else’s spouse. But the enemy loves to use casual compromises to create spiritual cracks. We’d rather not open the door.

10.

We Invite God into Our Mess, Not Just Our Milestones

This is a place where we need to be more intentional. We don’t just pray at the dinner table (we've slacked here) or when things are going great.

We pray when we’re tired, annoyed, stuck, broke, or battling pride.

We pray when we’re wrong. We pray when we’re right but need help being gentle. We pray when we’re tempted to isolate, escape, or let old wounds speak louder than the Holy Spirit.

We read scripture together. We invite God to convict, comfort, and correct even when it’s inconvenient.

God is not a part of our marriage. He is the foundation of it. Without Him, we’re just two flawed people trying to love each other on our own strength, and that’s not enough.

Final Thoughts:

You don’t build a great marriage by luck. You build it by prayer, practice, patience and a whole lot of unpopular rules that don’t always make sense to the world.

We don’t follow these rules because we’re afraid. We follow them because we’re free, free to build something sacred in a world full of distractions. Free to put God at the center. Free to protect each other from temptation, bitterness, or burnout.

These rules might not be for everyone. But for us?

They’ve built a marriage we’re proud of. A friendship we enjoy. A covenant we cherish.

“Two are better than one… For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.” —Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Hallelujah & Amen,

Hollie McCalip