Confessions of a Recovering Church Kid (now adult).

I didn’t walk away from God. I walked away from people who claimed to represent Him.

And if you’re reading this with a knot in your chest instead of excitement, chances are… You get it.

I am what they call a recovering church kid. Just the adult version. Not because the church was bad. Not because Jesus failed. But because people, broken, unchecked, unhealed people, used God’s name to excuse behavior that wounded instead of healed. Not once. Not twice. More times than I’d like to admit.

When the Church Was My World

I grew up believing the church was the safest place on earth that it was where truth lived. Where love was practiced. Where grace covered everything. And sometimes… it was.

But sometimes it was also:

• Where questions were punished instead of explored

• Where obedience mattered more than understanding

• Where appearances were elevated above integrity

• Where Scripture was used like a weapon instead of a lifeline

  
  

I learned early how to smile while hurting. How to “pray it away. "How to keep quiet so I don’t become the problem. Because nothing makes people more uncomfortable than someone who sees the cracks and names them.

Hurt by the Hands That Were Supposed to Shepherd

Let’s say the quiet part out loud!

Some of the deepest wounds I carry didn’t come from the world. They came from people with titles. From leaders. From teachers. From those who said, “Trust me. I speak for God.”

I was corrected publicly but comforted privately, if at all. I was told to submit when something felt wrong. I was made to feel like conviction and control were the same thing.

And when I was hurt? It was framed as a heart issue, mine, not theirs. That messes not just with your head or heart, but with your soul. Because when someone wraps harm in Scripture, you don’t just question them…You start questioning God.

When Mean Girl Culture Put on Church Clothes

This is the part we don’t like to talk about, but we have to. Somewhere along the way, mean girl culture slipped into the Church, wearing spiritual language.

It looks like:

• Passive-aggressive prayer requests

• Gossip disguised as “concern.”

• Social circles disguised as ministry teams

• Exclusion masked as “discernment.”

• Image management elevated over integrity

It’s not loud. It’s subtle. It thrives on hierarchy, proximity to power, and unspoken rules.

You’re either in… or you’re invisible. And if you question it? You’re labeled difficult. Unsubmissive, rebellious, possessing a Jezebel Spirit. Divisive. Mean girl culture in the Church doesn’t throw punches; it withholds belonging. And that kind of rejection cuts deeper, because it comes wrapped in smiles, Scripture, and spiritual superiority.

From Shepherding to Spiritual Dictatorship

Here’s where the damage compounds.

The Bible paints leaders as shepherds, people who guide, protect, and care for the flock.

But too often, what we see instead is dictatorship disguised as leadership.

Leadership that says:

• “Don’t question me, I’m anointed.”

• “Touch not God’s chosen” (but never applies it to accountability)

• “Unity” when they really mean silence

• “Submission” when they really mean control

This isn’t shepherding. It’s domination with a pulpit. And when authoritarian leadership combines with mean girl culture, the Church becomes a place where:

• Power is protected

• Abuse is spiritualized

• Whistleblowers are ostracized

• And wounded people are told to forgive quietly

That’s not biblical order. That’s fear dressed up as faith.

The Slow Unraveling

I didn’t wake up one day angry at church; I woke up tired. I woke up with eyes wide open.

Tired of explaining away behavior that didn’t look like Jesus. Tired of watching popularity outweigh character. Tired of seeing women torn down by other women in the name of “godly standards. "Tired of leadership demanding loyalty but refusing accountability.

I still believed in God. I just didn’t trust His representatives anymore.

So, I pulled back. Quietly. Carefully. Guiltily. And for a while, I thought that meant I was failing spiritually. Turns out… I was surviving.

Jesus Wasn’t Who Hurt Me

When I finally went back to the Bible, without commentary, without agendas, without church culture, I realized something. Jesus wasn’t the one who hurt me.

He confronted religious leaders. He exposed hypocrisy. He flipped tables. He protected the vulnerable. He never used authority to silence pain. The same Jesus people told me to obey without question was the One who constantly questioned systems that crushed people in His name. That truth didn’t weaken my faith. It purified it.

Deconstructing Without Destroying My Faith

I didn’t deconstruct to rebel. I deconstructed to breathe.

I had to untangle:

• God from people

• Scripture from misuse

• Conviction from control

• Holiness from performance

  
  

That work is holy. It takes courage to stay soft in a system that rewards hardness. It takes strength to heal without becoming cynical. It takes wisdom to love the Church while refusing to excuse what harmed you.

I’m Still Here, But I’m Not the Same

I still love Jesus. I still believe Scripture. I still believe in the Church. I still believe in holiness.

But I no longer believe:

• God needs defending through intimidation

• Leaders are above accountability

• Mean girl behavior equals “strong women of faith.”

• Or that silence is the same as righteousness.

• Modesty isn't just about pants vs. skirts.

  
  

I believe God is gentle with the bruised. I believe truth doesn’t need manipulation. I believe leadership should look like servanthood, not control.

To the One Still Hurting

You are not weak for needing space. You are not rebellious for naming harm. You are not sinful for walking away from toxic legalistic systems. And you are not abandoning God by refusing spiritual abuse. Healing doesn’t make you bitter. Unhealed pain does.

Healing doesn’t happen by accident. It happens by intention, by choosing to draw near to God even when trust feels fragile and faith feels tender.

Here are a few ways healing can begin without pressure, performance, or pretending.

Draw Near to God Through Prayer and Worship

Not the performative kind. Not the polished kind. The honest kind.

Prayer doesn’t have to sound holy to be heard. It can sound like anger. Like confusion. Like exhaustion. Like “God, I don’t even know how to trust You right now, but I want to.”

Worship doesn’t have to be loud or public. Sometimes it’s quiet music in the car. Sometimes it’s sitting in silence. Sometimes it’s tears instead of lyrics.

Drawing near to God isn’t about proving devotion; it’s about creating space for Him to meet you where you actually are.

Ask God to Show You the True Love of Christ

Many of us learned a version of “love” that was conditional, transactional, or performance based. So, ask Him, explicitly, to reintroduce Himself.

Ask God to show you:

• The gentleness of Christ

• The patience of Christ

• The safety of Christ

• The love of Christ that doesn’t manipulate, control, or shame

  
  

Let Him dismantle the false images of Himself that were handed to you by broken people.

Christ’s love does not rush you. It does not threaten you. It does not silence you. It restores.

Ask God to Help You See Your Worth Through His Eyes

Spiritual wounds often distort identity.

You may have been taught subtly or explicitly that your value was tied to:

• How compliant you were

• How useful you were

• How quiet you stayed

• How much you served

  
  

That is not how God sees you.

Ask Him to help you see yourself the way He does:

• Not as a problem to fix

• Not as a liability to manage

• But as a beloved child

Your worth was never up for debate. It was established long before anyone misused Scripture in your life!

This is One of the Reasons Why the Warped Wife Chronicles exists.

This space exists for:

• The ones pushed out by cliques and control

• The ones wounded by women who should’ve known better

• The ones hurt by leaders who forgot they were shepherds

• The ones who love Jesus but are cautious with His people

  
  

We don’t do fluffy. We don’t do shame. We don’t do spiritual dictatorship. We do truth. We do context. We do grace, with a backbone.

If you’re a recovering church kid too…Pull up a chair. You’re safe here.

This isn't fluffy Christianity! It's Holy. Honest. Unfiltered.