Chosen, Loved & Pursued: Understanding God’s Love When You’ve Always Felt Rejected

“The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore, with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.” – Jeremiah 31:3 (KJV)

When Love Always Skipped Over Me

I spent most of my life wondering why love always seemed to skip over me. Why acceptance came so easily to others, but I felt like I had to earn it.

I was that little girl trying to be enough, enough to keep people happy, enough to deserve to be wanted. But no matter how hard I tried, I always came up short.

The truth is, I carried a lifetime of rejection that shaped how I viewed God. I didn’t understand how a God I’d never seen could love me when the people I had seen didn’t.

The Church Girl Who Never Felt at Home

I grew up in church, old-school church. The hellfire-and-brimstone kind, where “spare the rod, spoil the child” was quoted more than John 3:16.

Church wasn’t a safe place to heal; it was a place to perform. Questions weren’t answered; they were condemned. Pain wasn’t processed; it was preached over.

The result? I learned fear before I learned faith. Obedience before understanding. Religion before relationship.

And because of that, I grew up knowing the Bible but not knowing the heart behind it.

A Baby Raising Babies

Like many girls from strict homes, rebellion came knocking early. By sixteen, I was pregnant. A shotgun wedding followed because that’s what “good girls” did when they messed up.

I was a baby raising babies. And by twenty-eight, I was a divorced single mom, pregnant again, still trying to prove I could be “enough.”

I had mastered surviving but not living. And deep down, I was still starving for the one thing I didn’t understand, unconditional love.

Living a Secret Life

By day, I was responsible. At night, I was broken.

Drinking. Dating. Searching for love in all the wrong places, trying to fill the void that rejection had carved into me.

Every person I met wanted something: money, sex, attention, or validation. And I kept giving pieces of myself away, hoping it would make someone stay.

But no matter what I gave, they always left.

Even the church wasn’t safe. I tried Baptist, Pentecostal, Apostolic, and Non-denominational, but I never fit. They all expected something I didn’t have to give perfection.

The Turning Point

We all have a turning point. We can all also pinpoint that moment. The moment that changed everything.

I stopped waiting to be rescued. No more knights in shining armor. No more saviors with empty promises. I decided I would rescue myself.

I worked hard. I went to therapy. I raised my children alone. I grew.

But even then, even leading single moms’ groups at church, even while preaching hope to others, I still didn’t understand God’s love. Because I had no frame of reference for it.

How could I understand unconditional love when I’d never experienced it?

And Then, God Sent a Man

Three years before my turning point, I met someone.

He was funny. Kind. Patient. We talked for hours. For years, actually.

We went our separate ways, but he never disappeared. He stayed. He showed up. He pursued. And when I finally stopped running, he was still there. Waiting, with a supreme pizza, flowers, and his own broken but healing heart.

That man is now my husband. Eleven years after our first conversation, and eight years into our marriage, he’s still pursuing me, still praying over me. Still putting me first, after God, but before everything else. He loves me the way Christ loves the church, patiently, sacrificially, consistently. And through him, I finally began to see the heart of God.

God Met Me in Graham, Texas

It didn’t happen in a sanctuary. It happened in a small apartment in Graham, Texas.

When I finally broke, when I had nothing left to offer, God met me there.

He didn’t come with lightning bolts or commands. He came quietly, through the love of a man who reflected His heart.

He didn’t want my perfection. He wanted my presence.

And that’s when I understood: God doesn’t want to rule me like a dictator. He wants to walk with me as a partner, another way he has used my husband to show me his heart. The way my husband relentlessly and wholeheartedly pursued me and poured his unadulterated prayer over me and my kids. God is doing the same for you. Wholeheartedly pursing you, loving you, choosing you. Waiting patiently until he has captivated your heart.

Religion vs. Relationship

Religion taught me to behave. Relationship taught me to belong.

Religion said, “Earn it.” God said, “Receive it.”

Religion kept me in fear. God set me free.

He doesn’t love me because I’m good. He loves me because He is good.

Healing the Wounded Daughter

Accepting God’s love wasn’t instant. It’s been a process of unlearning.

Unlearning fear. Unlearning shame. Unlearning the belief that I have to earn what’s already mine. He has patiently rewritten every false narrative I believed about myself.

I am not too broken. I am not too warped. I am not too late.

I am chosen. I am loved. I am pursued. And so are you.

The God Who Pursues

God never stopped chasing me. I just didn’t recognize Him through the chaos.

He was there through every heartbreak, every failure, every wrong turn. He was never waiting for me to get it right. He was waiting for me to stop running.

The same God who pursued me is pursuing you.

He doesn’t want your performance; He wants your presence. He doesn’t demand perfection; He desires connection. He’s not keeping score; He’s keeping promises.

From Rejection to Revelation

I used to think being chosen meant being useful. Now I know being chosen means being wanted. I used to think love was about earning approval. Now I know love is about accepting grace. And when I stopped trying to earn God’s love, I finally began to feel it.

A Love That Doesn’t Leave

Today, I live loved. Not because life is perfect, but because love finally is.

The same girl who once searched for belonging found it in the arms of a Savior who never stopped calling her name. And if He did it for me, He’ll do it for you.

Because no matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done, you are still His chosen daughter. He is still pursuing you. All you have to do… is stop running.

“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8 (KJV)

Remember

This is for every woman who has felt invisible. For every girl who grew up in religion but missed a relationship. For every soul who has been used, dismissed, or broken.

You are not forgotten. You are not too far gone. You are loved with an everlasting love.

He didn’t just create you. He chose you.

Hallelujah & Amen,

Hollie McCalip